“Promise me something.”



“Promise me it doesn’t end here. I know we are falling apart. I can feel it in my heart and soul, that we are falling apart at the seams. I can’t bare it. I can’t stand it. I feel like I can’t breathe because I’m scared that this is it. I’m petrified that this will be the last moment I’m alone with you. I’m scared that this is it and I don’t want it to end here. Promise me that we don’t end here.”

“I walked through a proverbial hell for you and with you. I held you while you cried. I tried to remain strong and some moments I was so weak I i cried to you over the phone or just hugged you and let the tears flow, let the heart beat raise and fall. Because in you I gained strength. In you I found love, friendship and companionship. I can feel it too, that we are falling apart, but I can promise you it doesn’t end here. A bond – where you are the spark in my darkness, color to my life, reason to survive, aim of my life, happiness to my soul, sugar to my coffee. A mental connection like ours, a physical attraction like ours, a chemistry like ours- can not be forced  and we aint lucky we are blessed to have it. THIS BOND OF OURS IS WONDROUS AND ETERNAL. It doesn’t end here, it doesn’t end here not in just one lifetime.”

-Elica frank(tbh/memoriesofhim//Excerpt of a book I’ll never write)


Maybe its the way your eyes

light up when you talk, or the way 

Your lips curl into a smile

 when you find something funny.

Or the way the sweat forms on your nose even in winter,

 or how your face runs red when your angry.

I don’t know why, but everytime

I hear your voice, my stomach is filled with

butterflies that flutter around restlessly, 

and my heartbeat quickens 

I love the way you say my name

 even when you are screaming in anger .

and every time you make eye contact with me I’m lost in your eyes.

the way you make me laugh at your silly jokes makes me smile to my self when im alone, 

Or the way you walk around awkwardly but pretending to be a hipster

or the way u blush when I point out your mistakes.

those little things may mean nothing to you.

but they mean everything to me.


Self love

At some point of time we feel that this is not the treatment I deserve I need love and respect . Honey , take a moment to embrace yourself and acknowledge that perhaps you subconsciously marked yourself down.Because its we who tells others what we are worthy of by showing them :

forgiveness before apology – fuck that , because sometimes people do not deserve to be forgiven. They have done nothing to earn them respect or to better themselves. 

We always end up Understanding before an explanation – chuck that ! Let them explain if they really have an explanation ready. Or let them explain so u can sit back and enjoy their making up skills. If they have wronged they ought to feel guilty , they know better of what they did and how despicable it was.

Supporting unconditional –  often people are mistaken when you always make time for them. You efforts won’t be appreciated they will be expected. No one realises until you’re gone.   So go away ! They are better off without your support and without you being there. Always remember there is a fine line between generosity and being taken for granted.

Because the point is if you don’t value and respect yourself,  wholeheartedly , no one else will either. Being selfish doesn’t always mean in a unethical way , sometimes putting your self first is vital , actually always putting your self first is vital. Let go of all the new year resolutions make a resolution for a life time “selflove”.


My sapphire

I met him out of the blue at a very captious time in life. When I was all broken , my trust on people fading and my desire to be alive was almost dead. He came along being all to common to notice, but somehow his wired jokes made me laugh till I forgot all the sadness my life was filled with. The more I got to know him, the more clear it became the two of us belonged together at some point.Not as lovers.Not as friends.Not as soulmates.Not as family. But something totally different. Something based on mirth meant and  fulfillment. I love how on my grumpy days he pulls all the stars down and brings to me just for my smile or to calm my cranky rants he brings ice creams at 3 am.  I remember when we got to know each other he thought I’m pretending and I thought he is faking it like a pro – how we row in the same boat, how we love the same things, how we are so broken by attitude and egoism, how we both were drunk with idea of love and romance . But with time I realize everything happens for a reason. What if we failed in friendships what if we failed in love what if we are tired of being the only one pulling things together what if we are broken on the insides but laughing on the outsides. We will make this happen.  We will make us happen . The weird us. The child cries . The ugly laughter. The unlimited hearts along with curse words. Because u make me feel complete and together we are complete and swithe. Without promises I know I can count on you for more than forever.  I don’t know if this makes me believe in destiny, or fate, or mere coincidence ; but it definitely makes me believe in something blue.



She can never be me 

She is not me and never will be me. She won’t get excited about seeing you and counting months then days then hours like me. She won’t pretend to act cool while her insides are on fire like me. She won’t pull you closer in a seductive way and wipe of the sweat on your nose and stick her tongue out to distract you and then push u away like I do. She won’t stay awake all night just for a text from you while you’re busy partying with your friends like I do. She won’t say I’m not mad at you while she is mad at you just because she is afraid of ur anger like me. She won’t sit and imagine gifting you a cat and laugh to her self dreaming about ur expression at 3am like I do. She won’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt while it’s killing inside like me. She won’t agree to everything you say in a blink of eye like I do. She’s won’t get mad at you because you slept in the middle of the conversation , then find it cute and funny and type out long cliché good morning texts for you to wake up to like I do. She won’t look at everything you do behind her back cry alone and act unaware in front of you like I do. when you ask her to write a love letter she won’t fill 72 pages like I did. she won’t go to the kitchen just for you and feed you with her hands the uncooked and overcooked food like I did. She won’t go numb and blank when u surprise her and later send you apologies for her reaction like I did.  she won’t give up in her dreams but keep motivating you like I did .  she wont be all broken herself but lecturing you to be strong like I did.

You sure must dream about you and her together but she will never be me. The sad part here is by the time you realise it will be too late.


Destructive kind of love ?

They say all is fair in love and war. I love him unconditional and I didn’t fall in love with him , I walked in love with him taking my own sweet time eyes wide open and in all my senses. I didn’t fall in love with what he looks like or what he does. I fell in love with him because of the way he makes me fervent and gives me the seventh heaven feeling. But things change bright day turns into dark night. The leaves turn from lucent green to  yellow then to orange. He has changed , his ways have turned from loving to hurting. Maybe destruction is his kind of love now ? ​ But they say you do not destruct what you love ? Maybe theres no love left ? Can destruction and love not exist together ? Just like pain and pleasure ?  But honestly  i don’t mind destruction anymore as I am in love with his destruction also.


When I looked into those eyes I was reminded of our happy times and how things we never imagined happened. I wanted to scream at him or rebel  or fight with him blame him , but all I did wath.jpgs sit there looking into his eyes finding answers to my question. For I couldn’t speak out loud as words fail to form. I sat there wanting to hug him because I knew he would hug me back with the same affection and love which will mend all my broken pieces. But life at present was turbulent and I was not suppose to be shatter again after mending. I know he wanted to turn around and just kiss me , but it seemed so terrifying and enticing at the same time. He kept looking away and I kept playing with my hands which again reminded me of how beautiful my hands fit into his , how our fingers intertwine together. I couldn’t bear it anymore I was suffocating with sadness. I walked away from him realizing all the odds and how love trolled us .                They say it wont matter in a  year , but what if it does ? what if it still matters ?  what if i still miss him ? what if i still want him  to be the one to hold me when I’m sad or i have the best day and immediately  want to tell him?

Its the greatest tragedy of all. Two people who love each other can never be together. Fate plays dirty games and cupid smirks at us.