We sat there ‘to talk’ i kept ignoring you and concentrating on the coffee mug , but every time I looked up you were staring at me blankly without any emotion on your face. Finally I had to speak up. “Please stop doing this to me” I bow my head to avoid your intense gaze.
“Doing what?”you asked me in confusion and reached out to hold my hand seeing the expression on my face.
“Making me feel like you want me, looking at me like you love me” I met your eyes and I didn’t think twice to stop my tears from falling because,
this-was it ! No longer could I pretend I know nothing about you and her and the thing that was going on.
“Please stop acting like I am special, please stop holding my hands like you don’t want it to let go, please stop acting like you care, please stop saying you want me in your life, please stop doing things like these – I told u not to make promises, but u did make a million promises and one by one broke all of them. I told you I’m scared to see dreams because they hurt when they break, but you showed me a million dreams and broke each one of them. I told you im happy with you being my friend, my best friend and that love only brings pain, but u confessed love over and over and when I was learning to believe in the magic of love you were already loving her.” I can feel my knees shaking, I can feel my heart inside me breaking into a million pieces but I need to also put up that im oh so strong and it dont care.
“Please stop doing things you didn’t mean, please stop deceiving me, just stop, please stop” I wiped my tears and started to walk away, from your grip, from your life-this time with no intension of returning. Nothing has ever felt so difficult than this- waiting for your apology but not wanting to forgive. Waiting for you to stop me or chase me but not wanting to stay. Loving unconditional is a quest these days, they test you in multiple ways and conditions are evitable.