Will never forgive but also will never forget.

We sat there ‘to talk’ i kept ignoring you and concentrating on the coffee mug , but every time I looked up you were staring at me blankly without any emotion on your face. Finally I had to speak up. “Please stop doing this to me” I bow my head to avoid your intense gaze.

“Doing what?”you asked me in confusion and reached out to hold my hand seeing the expression on my face.

“Making me feel like you want me, looking at me like you love me” I met your eyes and I didn’t think twice to stop my tears from falling because,

 this-was it ! No longer could I pretend I know nothing about you and her and the thing that was going on.

“Please stop acting like I am special, please stop holding my hands like you don’t want it to let go, please stop acting like you care, please stop saying you want me in your life, please stop doing things like these – I told u not to make promises, but u did make a million promises and one by one broke all of them. I told you I’m scared to see dreams because they hurt when they break, but you showed me a million dreams and broke each one of them. I told you im happy with you being my friend, my best friend and that love only brings pain, but u confessed love over and over and when I was learning to believe in the magic of love you were already loving her.” I can feel my knees shaking, I can feel my heart inside me breaking into a million pieces but I need to also put up that im oh so strong and it dont care.

“Please stop doing things you didn’t mean, please stop deceiving me, just stop, please stop” I wiped my tears and started to walk away, from your grip, from your life-this time with no intension of returning. Nothing has ever felt so difficult than this- waiting for your apology but not wanting to forgive. Waiting for you to stop me or chase me but not wanting to stay. Loving unconditional is a quest these days, they test you in multiple ways and conditions are evitable.

-elica frank

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Eclipse

“Promise me something.”

“what?”

“Anything.”

“Promise me it doesn’t end here. I know we are falling apart. I can feel it in my heart and soul, that we are falling apart at the seams. I can’t bear it. I can’t stand it. I feel like I can’t breathe because I’m scared that this is it. I’m petrified that this will be the last moment I’m alone with you. I’m scared that this is it and I don’t want it to end here. Promise me that we don’t end here.”

“I walked through a proverbial hell for you and with you. I held you while you cried. I tried to remain strong and some moments I was so weak I cried to you over the phone or just hugged you and let the tears flow, let the heart beat raise and fall. Because in you I gained strength. In you I found love, friendship and companionship. I can feel it too, that we are falling apart, but I can promise you it doesn’t end here. A bond – where you are the spark in my darkness, color to my life, reason to survive, aim of my life, happiness to my soul, sugar to my coffee. A mental connection like ours, a physical attraction like ours, a chemistry like ours- can not be forced  and we aint lucky we are blessed to have it. THIS BOND OF OURS IS WONDROUS AND ETERNAL. It doesn’t end here, it doesn’t end here not in just one lifetime.”

-Elica frank(tbh/memoriesofhim//Excerpt of a book I’ll never write)

Lovestruck

Maybe its the way your eyes

light up when you talk, or the way 

Your lips curl into a smile

 when you find something funny.

Or the way the sweat forms on your nose even in winter,

 or how your face runs red when your angry.

I don’t know why, but everytime

I hear your voice, my stomach is filled with

butterflies that flutter around restlessly, 

and my heartbeat quickens 

I love the way you say my name

 even when you are screaming in anger .

and every time you make eye contact with me I’m lost in your eyes.

the way you make me laugh at your silly jokes makes me smile to my self when im alone, 

Or the way you walk around awkwardly but pretending to be a hipster

or the way u blush when I point out your mistakes.

those little things may mean nothing to you.

but they mean everything to me.

-elicafrank